Paranoia and Call Of Cthulhu don't fucking count
You can say something entirely accurate about RPGs like "it's a co-operative game about defeating enemies!" and some asshole will protest and declare it is about "deep uber story and BASKETWEAVING!!!11!1!". They will be wrong they will when pressed actually give examples of their own play that prove that their story telling is as shallow and sucky as anyones, that basketweaving is as marginal and unimportant as anyone elses, and that actually they mostly ran around co-operatively defeating enemies.
But then someone will say "what about Paranoia!?". And the answer is... yeah what about it? So what. Who cares? Yes, Paranoia IS different. And it is basically a single outlier that is sufficiently different to all other RPGs that it frankly should probably be considered a different genre to, well, all the rest. It is definitively a non-co-operative RPG about comedy explosions and back stabbing. It's interesting, and it might even be nice if there WERE more examples of it's genre, but it tells us just about nothing productive about the genre of co-operative RPGs that aren't meant to be comedy train wrecks with bureaucratic laserings.
Similarly people will point at Call Of Cthulhu. Now those people are wrong not just because Call Of Cthulhu is an edge case, but because actually Call Of Cthulhu when playable at all is significantly closer to the standard RPG in it's function and limitations than people like to pretend. But all the same... fuck those guys, pretty much every RPG other than those two, and possibly the obscure Toon share a lot of things in common. And if we sit down and say "Fuck it, we can't talk about this because it's different in Paranoia!" Then we can't talk about any fucking thing.
Call Of Cthulhu isn't as hardcore as internet tough guys think it is
And this is worth pointing out. Again. So I will do it with a mildly altered piece from the front of my obscure old Horrific Game preamble.
Players do NOT want to play the adventures of the doomed guy who dies and never finds out what was going on.
They WANT to play the adventures of SCOOBY FUCKING DOO. Those adventures go like this.
1)Form rag tag Team of them damn kids and their damn dog.
2)Oh no a “Mystery!”
3)Run in circles waving arms
4)NOW you encounter the monster “Run Away!”
5)Get more serious about running in circles waving your arms maybe scream and giggle a bit
6)Defeat monster (switch with 7 if you want)
7)Solve Mystery (switch with 6 if you want)
8)Damn you guys and your damn dog.
9)The end
Note that that DOESN'T include “And before act one was even over we found Shaggy and Thelma dead naked and dismembered in the freezer, characters were rerolled and we got Wilma Flintstone and Betty Rubble joining the party until THEY got eaten by a Gru later in the mystery and we ALL got replaced by Josie the Pussy Cats...”
It ALSO does not include “We never found out WTF was going on”
It DEFINITELY doesn't include “We lose”
It DOES include comedy, zany antics, a bunch of stupid, and your damn dog.
I mean you can TOTALLY KO Shaggy every five seconds, dose him up with drugs until he is sedated (he probably does that anyway), hell, shoot him in the knee caps, but you can't just KILL him casually, gratuitously or repeatedly even if we make him a cheap throw away easy to make rules lite character in a low value throw down system. We are still invested in Shaggy and if he is the one who stumbles over ALL the damn clues in the first act then there just plain isn't a story and as such isn't a game without him.
You can even kill Thelma, but if you do she probably needs to either die right in the big fight at the end, and ideally in an explosive and hilariously entertaining manner that ultimately doesn't prevent them from winning, or needs to almost immediately come back and continue helping the gang as a Crime Solving Banshee or something.
At a stretch Fred can cop it in the first two minutes of the show before any of the plot is invested into him, but only if his replacement lasts basically the rest of it, we can't sit here ALL day thinking of variant neckerchief colours for the latest Fred Clone.
I mean you can walk away with a partial victory, you can win but lose the life of a much loved major character in the process, you can save the world at the cost of every PC life in the gang, you can solve the mystery, stop the murders but Jack The Ripper gets away for another 50 years, you can join the forces of darkness and declare victory through defeat, you can at a stretch have everyone lose in SUCH an explosive and hilarious manner that it's a win on sheer FUN.
But you CANNOT ABSOLUTELY CANNOT just lose. And the gang MUST FIND OUT WHAT IS GOING ON either before or after winning in SOME sort of paltry way. Because that's what the whole game was about and if the end of the game is "well you will never know" then no one will be satisfied.
YES Cthulhu and other "dark" games wank on endlessly about high PC fatality and an environment of despair. Well that's just pure wank. Talk big about DOOM! with all the melodrama you can muster then play like a big old softy just trying to scare kids out of his theme park, it makes for a better gaming experience.


